Another night here in my very own Limbo. I've wanted to die sense I was a child. I can feel myself slipping away while I tremble from trying to hold on for so long. Every day that comes is more time for me to weep- for every reason but my own. I'm still here according to all of you. That means the disguise is working. You think you can see me when I smile or look into nothing, but I come back before you could ever realize I was gone... He said it would all go away, if I would only love Him.

The days pass by as they normally would, but I can never tell them apart. I can no longer deny the urge to tear the skin away from myself. To feel the burn as my deeper layers are exposed to the air it’s protected from. I want to breath smoke to allow the ash to destroy the delicate tissue that lies within. I want to crack the bone cage in my torso into thousands of tiny shards and allow my organs to collapse. To reach inside and dissect myself in ways others would never dare. I am at the point where I have the urge to carve all the meat from my bones. I'm suffocating in the body holding me here. The heat with every exhale, using up air that I hate to waste for my petty existence... I am here on the behalf of the Perfect God that refuses to show his face. To remind you to savor what you have sense He could take it all away with no remorse or second thought. I wish he could for me...

I am watching the lizards slither from shadow to shadow. How they do what they won’t allow. The hypocritical gospel made for the soul benefit of the King. Raising taxes for his gold forks and whores. Oh, I am here to represent the imperfections of a tedious God. I am the result of the imagination of mass destruction and doomed to be the lab rat for future scientists. I have told you before that you don’t know pain until you’ve seen me. I'm watching the word's meaning slowly lose their sway. How no one can understand what I'm saying, even though we speak the same language. Here is where I can see the future. Where all the ghosts of my past catch up to me in time to make Hell seem to real while I cover myself in leather and powder residue of narcotics.

Because I know I’m dying I can feel everything as if they were closer, louder, stronger and more profound in every single way. I am here on the behalf of a God that would spare me from it all if I would only love him. But this pain is too great for me to keep my eyes fixed on the God that would leave me behind if I cannot keep up my focus. If I cannot sustain the balance to follow in his narrow footsteps. According to Him, I have been given a gift. How pain can be a gift is beyond me. No, this is only a curse given to me from a miscalculation made by a Perfect and Almighty being.

My soul is in peril because I refuse to fall to my knees and serve the one who gave me this pain. Who has oppressed me my entire life and has hindered me from being who I really am. Oh yes, I am here on the behalf of the Perfect God that refuses to show his face…. The days pass as they normally would, with sunrise and sunset. But this means very little to me, now. And I am here to stand up and refuse Him the power he demands. The power he was able to keep, until he made me…